I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
