This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
