The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
