Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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