the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize