why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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