I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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