Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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