you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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