You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
