Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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