Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
