So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
