well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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