i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The uberlube is also flammable
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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