No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
