i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
