Dual....:-)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
