Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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