She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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