Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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