We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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