how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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