He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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