So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize