Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
