her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
