sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
