I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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