ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
