and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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