i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
