Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
