I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Randomize