This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
