Where did you get a picture of my penis
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
