so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
