Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
