Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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