I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
