I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
