My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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