Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
