She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
