Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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