I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
