i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
