I faked an abortion last night.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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