So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
