i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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