How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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