Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
