Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
