im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My balls are so social today.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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