I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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