i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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