I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
