i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
