He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize