I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
