And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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