GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
