Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We talked him into tasing himself.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
