420 ftw
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
