when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
