coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
