Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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