When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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