No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
