Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I love you. Go after that dick
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
