I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
