I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
