I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
