I hate all girls vehemently.
I need help removing her.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
