I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize