Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
