Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize