i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
