may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
