Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
