things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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