i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
