yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
