I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
