I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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