You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
