Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
