Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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