You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
