You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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