god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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