Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
