somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize