This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
