omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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