I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
