Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
