What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Your penis caused this!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
