But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
