Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize