the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
