He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
