If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
