I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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