when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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