dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
