woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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